I grew up in church, and there was a word I heard constantly as a kid that I don’t hear nearly as often in conversations among adults. Sin. When I was younger, sin was talked about all the time. It was usually connected to something you did wrong, something you weren’t supposed to do, or something you needed to stop doing if you wanted to be right with God.
And I remember going to youth camp, where there would inevitably be a night when everyone was encouraged to come forward, confess their struggles, and make a commitment to change. Those moments could be incredibly meaningful. You’d leave feeling like you were going to become an entirely different person.
And then about a week and a half later, you’d find yourself doing the exact same things you promised God you’d never do again. So you’d feel guilty, ask for forgiveness, and make another commitment. And then you’d do it again. Maybe you know that cycle. But here’s what’s interesting. I think something happens as we get older.
We get better at managing our behavior. We become more capable of avoiding consequences. We learn how to keep certain struggles private. And eventually, we can convince ourselves that as long as we’re managing things reasonably well, there isn’t much of a problem. But what if the real issue runs deeper than our behavior?
Why Behavior Modification Isn’t Enough
I think one of the ways we’ve misunderstood sin is by reducing it to a list of things we’re supposed to avoid. Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t be selfish. Don’t hurt people. Those are good instructions. But you don’t have to be a Christian to recognize that those behaviors are destructive.
There are plenty of books, podcasts, and resources that can help you develop healthier habits and become a more disciplined person. And those things can be helpful. But Christianity is making a much bigger claim about what’s happening inside us.
Sin isn’t simply a collection of bad decisions. It’s something that affects the desires, motivations, and priorities that shape those decisions. Think about anger, for example. You can learn techniques to keep yourself from saying something hurtful when you’re frustrated. That’s good. But what happens if the deeper issue is pride, insecurity, or a need to control everything around you? You might become better at managing your reactions without ever confronting what’s actually driving them. And eventually, that underlying issue finds another way to express itself. That’s why I think spiritual maturity has to involve something deeper than becoming a better-behaved person.
Even Paul Understood the Struggle
There’s a passage in Romans 7 that I find incredibly encouraging, mostly because of how honest it is. The apostle Paul is describing the struggle between what he knows is right and what he actually does. In Romans 7:15, he acknowledges that he doesn’t understand his own actions because he finds himself doing things he doesn’t want to do. I love the honesty of that.
Here’s someone who helped spread Christianity throughout the ancient world, wrote letters that became part of the New Testament, and demonstrated extraordinary commitment to following Jesus. And he’s describing a struggle that sounds remarkably familiar. He knows what is good. He wants to do what is good. But he still experiences an internal battle. And I think that should challenge the way we sometimes approach our own spiritual struggles. We assume that if we were spiritually mature enough, we wouldn’t experience certain temptations anymore. We imagine that following Jesus long enough should eventually make the struggle disappear.
But Paul describes something more complicated. There’s a real battle happening within us. And recognizing that battle is part of understanding why we need Jesus in the first place. <Cite ref=”turn266748search0”/>
The Question Beneath the Question
When I was younger, I remember asking myself a question whenever I struggled with the same sin repeatedly. Why am I like this? Maybe you’ve asked that question. Why do I keep getting angry? Why do I keep returning to something I know is destructive? Why do I struggle with insecurity, jealousy, pride, or the need for approval? And those are important questions. But I think there’s another question that matters just as much. Whose am I?
Because one of the most important truths of Christianity is that our identity isn’t ultimately determined by our worst decisions or our greatest accomplishments. For those who belong to Jesus, our identity is rooted in Him. That doesn’t eliminate our responsibility for the things we do. It doesn’t mean we ignore destructive behavior or pretend consequences don’t matter. But it changes the foundation from which we approach growth.
Instead of constantly trying to earn God’s acceptance by becoming better people, we begin learning to live in response to the grace we’ve already received. And I think that’s an entirely different way of approaching spiritual maturity.
You Can’t Win This Battle Through Willpower Alone
Toward the end of Romans 7, Paul asks who will rescue him from the struggle he’s describing. And his answer points directly to Jesus Christ. That’s important. Because Paul doesn’t conclude that he simply needs more discipline, a better schedule, or another promise to try harder. He recognizes his need for someone beyond himself. And I think that’s where genuine transformation begins. We acknowledge that there are things within us we cannot fully repair through our own effort. We surrender those areas to Jesus. And through the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit, we begin learning to live differently.
That process can involve practical changes, accountability, confession, and the difficult work of confronting patterns we’ve carried for years. Sometimes it also involves counseling, recovery support, or other appropriate help. But underneath all of it is a growing recognition that our relationship with Jesus is the foundation of our transformation.
The goal of discipleship isn’t simply to become better at managing our sin. It’s to become increasingly surrendered to Jesus. And as that happens, our behavior begins to change because something deeper is changing within us.
Putting This Into Practice
If you’ve been struggling with something you wish you could change, I want to encourage you to approach it with honesty and hope.
1Identify what’s beneath the behavior.
Think about a recurring struggle in your life. Maybe it’s anger, jealousy, dishonesty, pride, or something you’ve been trying to hide. Instead of focusing exclusively on the behavior, ask yourself what desire or fear may be driving it. Write down what you discover and bring it honestly before God.
2Replace self-condemnation with the truth of your identity.
Read Romans 7:15–25 and Romans 8:1 this week. Notice both the reality of the struggle and the hope Paul finds in Jesus. When you recognize an area where you’ve fallen short, acknowledge it and take responsibility, but don’t allow shame to become your identity. Remind yourself that your relationship with Jesus is rooted in grace.
3Invite someone trustworthy into the process.
Choose a mature Christian friend, mentor, pastor, or counselor with whom you can honestly discuss an area where you want to grow. You don’t have to share everything with everyone, but isolation often allows destructive patterns to continue. Ask that person to pray with you, encourage you, and help you establish one practical step toward healthier living.
I think one of the most beautiful things about Christianity is that God doesn’t wait until we’ve completely figured ourselves out before inviting us into a relationship with Him. He meets us in the middle of our struggles. And He continues working in us as we learn to surrender more of our lives to Him. You may still have areas where you’re struggling. You may still be asking why certain things are so difficult to change. But your struggle doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Because Jesus is still at work.
