Think about how many words you encounter before you even leave your house in the morning. You wake up, grab your phone, check your notifications, scroll through a few things, read a text message, maybe respond to an email, and somehow you’ve already consumed hundreds of words before you’ve had breakfast. And that’s just the beginning.
Throughout the day, we’re constantly communicating. Text messages, emails, conversations, social media, phone calls, and whatever group chat you accidentally became part of three years ago that apparently will never end. We’re surrounded by words. And here’s what I find interesting. Even though we’re communicating constantly, many of us are struggling to build healthy relationships.
We’re talking more, but we’re not necessarily understanding each other better. We’re sharing more opinions, but we’re not necessarily becoming wiser. And we’re using more words than ever while sometimes giving very little thought to what those words are actually doing. Because words aren’t nearly as insignificant as we sometimes treat them. The words you speak are building something in the lives of the people around you. And they’re building something inside you, too.
Words Create Worlds
There’s a phrase I’ve heard that I think captures this beautifully. Words create worlds. Think about that for a moment. The words spoken over you throughout your life have helped shape the way you see yourself. Maybe you grew up with parents who consistently encouraged you. They told you they believed in you, reminded you of your potential, and helped you develop confidence. Or maybe your experience was very different. Maybe you grew up hearing that you weren’t smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough, or capable enough. And even though those words were spoken years ago, there’s a chance you’re still carrying them.
That’s how powerful words can be. They have the ability to shape how we interpret ourselves and the world around us. And we don’t just experience this through what other people say. We experience it through what we repeatedly tell ourselves.
The internal conversations we carry throughout the day can reinforce our fears, insecurities, and assumptions. Over time, those patterns can become so familiar that we stop questioning whether they’re even true. Which means we need to pay attention to more than what comes out of our mouths. We need to pay attention to what’s happening in our hearts.
Jesus Takes Us Beneath the Surface
In Proverbs 18:21, we’re reminded that the tongue has the power of life and death. That’s a strong statement. But I think most of us understand it intuitively. We’ve experienced words that brought encouragement, confidence, and hope. And we’ve experienced words that created wounds we carried for years. What’s interesting is that Jesus takes this conversation even deeper.
In Matthew 12, He teaches that the words coming out of our mouths reveal what’s happening within our hearts. He uses the picture of a tree and its fruit. A healthy tree produces healthy fruit. An unhealthy tree produces unhealthy fruit. And then He connects that picture to the way we speak. The idea is that our words are often the visible expression of something deeper happening inside us. I think that’s incredibly important.
Because when we recognize that our words are destructive, our first instinct is often to focus on changing our vocabulary. We tell ourselves to stop complaining, stop criticizing, or stop saying things we regret. And those are good goals. But Jesus is inviting us to go further. He’s asking us to consider what’s producing those words in the first place. What’s Happening Inside You? Think about the last time you said something you regretted.
Maybe you snapped at your spouse. Maybe you became impatient with your children. Maybe you made a sarcastic comment that was considerably more hurtful than you intended. Now ask yourself a question. What was happening inside you before those words came out? Were you exhausted? Insecure? Angry? Afraid? Feeling overlooked or unappreciated? Sometimes the words we regret are connected to things we’ve been carrying for a long time.
And if we never address those deeper issues, we can spend our entire lives trying to manage the symptoms without experiencing meaningful change. I think that’s one of the reasons Jesus consistently invites us toward transformation rather than simply better behavior. He wants to work in the places where our words originate. Because when our hearts begin changing, our conversations begin changing, too.
The Opportunity We Have
Here’s what I love about this. If words have the power to cause damage, they also have extraordinary potential to bring life. You have opportunities every single day to speak things into the lives of people that they may remember for years. You can tell your children what you see developing in them. You can remind your spouse why you’re grateful for them.
You can encourage a friend who’s struggling, affirm someone who’s growing, or speak truth into a situation where someone needs clarity. And sometimes, you can change the direction of a relationship simply by choosing to speak differently. That doesn’t mean every conversation should be positive.
There are moments when love requires difficult truth. There are times when we need to confront destructive behavior or address something uncomfortable. But even then, the goal should be to speak in a way that honors the humanity of the person in front of us. Because the point isn’t simply to avoid saying harmful things. The goal is to become people whose words consistently bring life.
Putting This Into Practice
Here are three ways to begin becoming more intentional with your words.
1Pay attention to your internal conversations.
For the next few days, notice the things you repeatedly tell yourself. Are you constantly rehearsing frustrations, assuming the worst, or reinforcing negative beliefs about yourself? Write down one recurring thought and ask whether it’s actually true. Consider what Scripture teaches about your identity and how that truth might reshape the way you think.
2Speak life into three people.
Choose three people you interact with regularly. Maybe it’s your spouse, child, friend, or coworker. Tell each person something specific you appreciate about them. Avoid generic compliments. Identify a quality, decision, or action that deserves encouragement, and communicate it intentionally.
3Examine the source of one recurring frustration.
Think about a relationship where your words have become consistently impatient, critical, or negative. Instead of simply promising to speak more kindly, ask what’s happening beneath the surface. Is there unresolved hurt, fear, exhaustion, or resentment? Identify one practical step toward addressing the deeper issue. The words you speak today may become part of the story someone tells about themselves tomorrow. That’s an enormous responsibility. But it’s also an extraordinary opportunity. And I hope we become people who take it seriously.
