When I was growing up, I had a friend whose dad was one of those people you just wanted to be around. I remember spending the night at their house and watching the way he interacted with his family. He was engaged, funny, interested in what we were doing, and genuinely seemed to enjoy being a dad. He also burned the bacon.
And I don’t mean he cooked it a little too long. I mean that bacon was completely burned, and we ate it anyway. But what I remember most about that morning wasn’t breakfast. It was how present he was. He talked with us, played with us, and made us feel like we mattered. And I remember thinking, even as a kid, that whatever he was doing was something I wanted to learn.
I grew up around enough brokenness to recognize that not every family functioned that way. So I started paying attention. I read books about parenting long before I had children, and when Emily became pregnant with our first son, Henry, I started asking practically everyone I could find for parenting advice.
I even asked someone on a subway in Chicago. That particular conversation wasn’t especially helpful, but I was committed. I kept notes, organized people’s advice into categories, and looked for common themes. And what stood out was that, for nearly everyone I talked to, their family relationships were among the most meaningful parts of their lives. Which brings me to something I think we often overlook. The role you play in your family is one of the most significant responsibilities you’ve been given.
You Have a Role Nobody Else Can Fill
Think about the different relationships that make up your family. Maybe you’re a husband or wife, a mother or father, a son or daughter, a sibling, or a grandparent. Maybe you hold several of those roles simultaneously. And each one is different.
The relationship you have with your spouse isn’t the same as the relationship you have with your children. The responsibility you have toward your parents changes as you get older. The relationship between siblings carries its own history, expectations, and opportunities. But here’s what’s fascinating about all of them. You are the only person who can fill your particular role.
Your spouse gets one first husband or wife. Your children get one biological father and mother, even though other loving adults may also play extraordinarily important roles in their lives. Your siblings have a shared history with you that nobody else can reproduce.
That doesn’t mean every family relationship is healthy or that every family role has been handled well. Some people carry enormous pain because someone who should have loved them failed to do so. But it does mean that the way we show up in our families matters. And I wonder if we sometimes underestimate that because our family responsibilities feel so ordinary.
We get caught up in schedules, homework, dinner, transportation, work, and everything else that needs to happen. We spend so much time managing family life that we can forget we’re actually shaping something.
Your Family Is Something You’ve Been Entrusted With
In Luke 12:48, Jesus teaches that much will be required from those who have been given much. The larger passage is about faithful stewardship. Jesus is teaching about what it means to responsibly manage what has been entrusted to us. We often apply that principle to money, abilities, opportunities, or leadership. And those are appropriate applications. But I think it also gives us a helpful way to think about our families. What if we began viewing our family relationships as something God has entrusted to our care? Not something we own. Not something we get to control. But something we’re responsible for stewarding faithfully.
That changes the questions we ask. Instead of simply wondering whether our family members are meeting our expectations, we begin asking whether we’re fulfilling our responsibilities toward them. Instead of measuring our relationships exclusively by what we’re receiving, we begin considering what we’re contributing.
And instead of assuming that our role will always be there, we recognize that the opportunities we have today won’t last forever. I think about that with my children. They’re growing up quickly, and the relationship I have with them today is going to look different five or ten years from now. The same is true of our parents, our marriages, and our extended families. We don’t have unlimited time to become the people we want to be in those relationships.
The Story Is Being Written Right Now
One of the things I’ve become increasingly aware of is that most of us hope to look back on our lives and feel grateful for the relationships we’ve built. We want our children to remember that we were present. We want our spouses to know they were loved. We want the people closest to us to have experienced patience, kindness, generosity, and faithfulness through our lives. But those memories aren’t created all at once. They’re being formed through the ordinary decisions we make every day.
It’s how we respond when we’re frustrated. It’s whether we listen when someone needs to talk. It’s whether we apologize when we’re wrong. It’s whether the people closest to us consistently receive our attention or only whatever energy we have left. And here’s the part that challenges me.
The story your family will tell about you someday is being written by the way you show up today. That doesn’t mean you have to be a perfect parent, spouse, child, or sibling. None of us can accomplish that.
It means recognizing that these relationships deserve intentionality because they’re among the most meaningful things God has entrusted to us.
Putting This Into Practice
I want to encourage you to think about your family relationships this week, not simply as responsibilities you have to manage, but as opportunities to love people well.
1Identify the roles you’ve been given.
Write down the different roles you currently hold in your family. Maybe you’re a spouse, parent, adult child, sibling, or grandparent. Next to each one, answer this question: What does faithfulness look like in this relationship right now? Be specific about what that person needs from you in this season of life.
2Ask someone how you’re doing.
Choose one family member you have a healthy enough relationship with to have an honest conversation. Ask them, What’s one thing I could do that would help you feel more loved or supported? Then listen carefully. Resist the temptation to explain what you’re already doing or defend yourself. Let their answer help you understand how to show up more intentionally.
3Create one meaningful moment this week.
Choose one practical way to invest in a family relationship. Take your child somewhere without your phone. Plan time with your spouse. Call a parent or sibling. Write a note expressing gratitude. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. The goal is to make an intentional investment in a relationship that matters.
I think one of the greatest gifts we can give the people closest to us is the decision to take our roles seriously while we’re still living them. We won’t get everything right. We’ll make mistakes, miss opportunities, and have moments we wish we could do over. But we can choose to be intentional today.
And years from now, I hope the people we love can look back and say that, even though we weren’t perfect, we understood how much those relationships mattered.
